Where better to be kidnapped than Mexico?

Everyone knows there's a variety of things to do in Mexico. You can shop. You can go deep sea fishing. You can golf. You can tour colonial villages.

You can even get kidnapped.

When it comes to being kidnapped in Mexico, actually there's quite a variety to choose from. Here's what's on the menu:

1. Express Kidnapping.

You know you're being treated to an express kidnapping when your taxi ride goes longer than it should, and instead of going to your hotel you're picking up a couple of extra passengers . . . with guns.

Your next destination is the local ATM, where you'll withdraw your daily maximum. Actually, your hosts will probably withdraw your daily maximum after you hand over your PIN number. Then, you'll hang out with the guys until after midnight, so they can take out your daily maximum again.

Say goodbye to your passport, wallet, jewelry . . . just be grateful they only beat you up a little and dump you on the outskirts of town so you can walk back.

Oh, and you didn't see anything.

2. Kidnapping for Ransom.

You probably don't have to worry about this one unless you're a businessman or a star, or you're related to one.

Your hosts have probably been watching your comings and goings for awhile, so they know where to stop your car . . . or where to pick you up off the street. You might spend days or even weeks with your hosts, most likely with your head covered and your arms and legs bound. If the money isn't getting paid, you may have to fork over a finger to convince your company or family to pony up.

Will you be released unharmed? It depends, but one thing's for sure. If you return alive, you and your family are taking the next flight -- out of Mexico.

3. Home Kidnapping.

Who said that kidnappers aren't very smart?

The latest twist has you kidnapped in the comfort of your own home. You don't have to sob on the phone to your family from some dingy cell. You don't even have to plead with your boss to drop off a package of money or it's curtains for you.

No, the kidnappers have taken all the fuss out of the whole process. Some hombres show up at your home, tell you how much to pay, where to pay it and give you a deadline.

And then you pay.


Now, you may say, "why not call the cops."

Don't be cute. Just who do you think pulls off these kidnappings anyway?